Radioactive iodine….used to kill thyroid cancer that remains in my body will be placed under my tongue tomorrow.  That means I will be in isolation for several days, unable to be near anyone, even my cat and dogs.  My ability to cook will be nil since cooking would mean contaminating utensils and foodstuffs in the kitchen.  So, I’ve begun the preparations for a big pot of miso soup, edamame to be steamed, lots of fluids, sour lemon drops and hard candy.  I even have a stash of surgical gloves to protect my computer keyboard.  This sucks.

I’ve read a lot on the internet thyroid message boards about the good and bad results from RAI treatment.  Seriously, I’m thinking of backing out and just letting nature take its’ course right now.  The lack of any synthroid or thyroid hormone in my body (I have to have as little as possible before the treatment) has made me more fuzzy-headed, exhausted, constipated and emotional than usual.  I’m ready to pop the Synthroid and be back to normal again….or as close to what used to be normal.

This has been an on-going joke with my co-workers, customers and family, that I’ll glow in the dark.  Hence the “glow little glow-worm glimmer, glimmer..”  But I’m actually really scared today.  The surgery was such a fast decision that I didn’t have time to be really scared.  The Parkinson’s Disease is so engrained in my every movement and tremor that I don’t have the energy to be scared about it anymore.  But realizing that I am feeding radioactive material into my body purposely has me terrified.

I think the worst part is that I am facing this alone.  Most of the major events of catastrophe in my life I’ve faced alone.  Really, guys, I’m not usually a whiner, but today I’m just a little disjointed about facing this stuff at all. 

Oh, I know, as a Christian, I never walk alone….I know the hand of Jesus guides me and holds on to me tightly through all eternity.  He always has been the ONLY one I could depend upon.  I do believe those statements and am not being cynical or a wise-ass.  I’ll spare us all the litany of those who have funked out on me in times of crisis, death, sadness and sickness.  Way, way down there in the depth of my heart, I know that Jesus does love me and is sovereign over all of this sickness.  I’m just ready for this body to be a bit healthy for awhile.  I’m ready to live a life that is fairly free from stress and worry and drug manufacturers making promises, and doctors presenting cures.  And most of all, I’m so very, very weary of being so alone all the time when I’m not my most attractive, energetic, productive or helpful.  I’m just tired.

So, I haven’t decided if I’ll keep the appointment tomorrow afternoon to swallow the RAI pill. 

Yeah, I know, “Dr. Cutie Pie” told me that I’d suffer terribly while waiting for this treatment since my thyroid is gone and I would be exhausted.  He was a little more right than doctors usually are.  “Dr. vY” has been treating me for high cholesterol and I’ve taken that damned red yeast rice now (causing soooo much nausea) without ever considering that being hypothyroid is a major contributor to high cholesterol.  Also, “Dr. MSH” has given me the magic happy pills for years commenting on my weight gain, never putting two and two together that I might be between normal ranges in my thyroid levels….but that might not be “my” normal, hence causing depression. And dear, “Dr. Gee whiz” asks me annually if my skin is dry and if I’m still suffering from those damned hot flashes.  Well, the answer has been YES for over 10 years….why can’t you think outside the box and consider than the damned thyroid wasn’t working?  That’s what I get for being so conscientious medically.  I’ve been such a good little girl, always following all of the instructions, doing exactly what I was told.  I’ve trusted the medical/pharmaceutical establishment and where has it gotten me?  Two back surgeries, a hysterectomy, two carpal tunnel surgeries, two sagging eyelid surgeries (these were NOT elective), two thyroidectomies, a tonsillectomy, two sinus surgeries, a knee surgery, a diagnosis of Parkinson’s Disease and now swallowing a radioactive pill (that will have consequences in the future of which no one is really sure), and a partridge in a pear tree…no, no, no, I mean I’m hoping to face it cancer free!

So, this will be continued, either as my blog or as a video on You Tube where I’m actually glowing and glimmering while dancing in the dark!