Thanks to the miraculous Blackberry marriage proposal, the Bear and I will be married soon.  What a lovely surprise….and an engagement ring too!  Some people roll their eyes and sigh when they hear it’s #3 for me and #2 for the Bear.  But I’ve long ago decided that living my life to please other people is the most self destructive thing I will ever do.

Happy me!  Happy Bear!  Happily ever after!

Yes, my full body scan showed that I was cancer-free….for the time being.  Yesterday I visited the endocrinologist and was told that they will perform an ultrasound in 6 months to make sure the lymph nodes are okay (a.k.a. no weird growths).  Then in 12 months I will go through the gruesome radioactive iodine treatment again.  I’m blocking this out of my mind so I don’t have to think about it.  I was so very sick from this treatment, and I really don’t want to go through it again.

But, no whining…I’ll do whatever the doc tells me to do to make sure I’m clean and clear of “C”.  The nurse practitioner told me that it was definitely strange that I developed cancer in my left thyroid after the right side was removed after finding the benign cysts years ago.  That just goes to show us all that we can’t be too confident that one benign growth does not beget benign growths for the rest of our lives!

My energy level is still very low.  The TSH level was 38 (instead of being less than 5.1). So more Synthroid for me to bring this TSH down.  ALSO, I learned that I’m not supposed to take the Synthroid with calcium or iron…..no one ever told me that before.  So, now I’m spacing my meds out throughout the day so the Synthroid is more potent.

At least I’m able to make it to the end of the work day!  By this time next year, I’ll have enough energy to perform on “Dancing with the Stars”…..yeah, right! 

You will find my newest postings under the tab at the top, “Book Reviews”.

A few weeks ago I told you that I was proud to be a Democrat….well, I am still proud!  So many people want Senator Clinton to drop out of the race.  Yet, everyday I hear remarks about how she is inspiring women, young and old.  Sen. Obama is a vibrant, inspiring speaker.  At this point, I’ll be happy with either one as our nominee.  In my statements a few weeks ago I mentioned that I want our candidates to see this race through to the end.  The phenomenal number of Democrats voting in the state primaries has caused expectation and a ground swell involving folks young and old.

Our media twists, turns, manipulates and takes  things out of context.  It’s always been a challenge to teach children to think critically and evaluate the verasity of statements printed in the papers or spoken over the airways.  I believe that a few of these “journalists” actually use their shows/paper/articles to promote their own prejudices.  Overall these folks express their views, and later we find that all the facts may not have been revealed.  In my effort to believe the best about others, I choose to believe that these journalists are speaking from their hearts rather than spouting venom.

Yet, in the controversial events of this Democratic race, I am still optimistic that we will emerge a stronger group of Americans.  Haven’t we been forced to face our own beliefs about racial, age and gender inequality?  What better way for us to examine our own values than in the arena of political competition.

I am still optimistic that we will emerge with a great leader.  I am still leaning favorably towards Sen. Hillary Clinton.  But either way, I’m determined to see this through to watch a Democrat in the White House once again.

Today there are 416 children in the custody of Child Protective Services in Texas.  These are children who have been taken away from their parents due to allegations of sexual abuse of children in their community.  Perhaps you are sympathetic to the fate of these children?  Perhaps you are upset over the “strong arm of the Law” interfering in the parents’ rights to raise these children in the manner they choose?

Let’s just suppose that no sexual abuse or rape occurred in the compound of the FLDS in El Dorado, Texas.  Let’s just suppose that none of these pregnant young girls were raped or inseminated by a human being.  Yeah, I know….only one of those virgin births on the historical record really occurred….and even most of you don’t believe that ever happened!  And no, I don’t suppose you believe that these young girls were impregnated by an alien?  Didn’t think you’d buy that one either.

So, we’re back to square one where there are 416 children being kept in a facility where they are scared and alone without their parents.  This causes some uneasiness in my heart because I’ve made a life career of working with kids and keeping them safe.  Surely all 416 children can’t be in imminent danger?  Maybe the only ones who are really in danger of rape or incest are the pre-teens and teens?  So, why not let the little ones go back with their mothers?

I’ll tell you why you should be sickened by the thought of any of those children being returned to their moms and dads.  Out of 832 parental figures (supposedly adults) in that compound, not ONE PERSON STEPPED FORWARD TO HELP THE LITTLE GIRLS WHO WERE RAPED BY MEN OLD ENOUGH TO BE THEIR FATHERS OR GRANDFATHERS. 

Now the real question looms over the Texas desert: Would you leave your child in the custody of any of these adults?  I doubt it.  So, be honest.  Don’t pretend to be “concerned” about the religious rights of these people, or the separation anxiety of these children.  Just quit pretending that you actually give a damn about those poor confused children. If you cannot muster the courage to insist, no demand that all of those children are safe from sexual predators, then at least stand out of the way and keep your mouth shut while CPS does the impossibly difficult task of bringing these children some safety and respect.

For you see, in this world, in this dark, evil world you are either part of the problem or part of the solution.

Yesterday, Medtronic, Inc. announced a new software to help identify patients that were good candidates for the Deep Brain Stimulation procedures (DBS) to treat Parkinson’s Disease.  Over 900 patient profiles were analyzed using this software.  This software evaluates the Parkinson’s patient symptoms and predicts the effectiveness of DBS on that particluar patient based on the score they receive. 

Deep brain stimulation has become more popular as a method for coping with this debilitating disease.  The insertion of probes into the brain interrupts the signals that mis-fire and cause tremors, balance issues and other impairment of motor-activity.   Currently, some surgeons perform two surgeries, one to place the implants in the brain, and one to install the small battery pack that delivers the constant electrical current which interrupts the spastic signals from the brain to the rest of the body.

Medtronic, Inc. is the leading provider for these leads that are left in a person’s brain, and also for the monitoring equipment and battery packs to operate and fine tune the probes.

Recently I attended two seminars that describe the procedure at length.  Medtronic sponsored the first seminar and distributed DVDs that go into great detail to inform the patient and their families about the procedures and the risks.  The second seminar was the annual convention of the neuro-pharmocologists to review progress being made while developing new drugs and procedures for dealing with PD.

I am not at the point in the progression of my disease where I will qualify for DBS any time soon.  However, learning as much as possible, asking questions and attending meetings has helped me understand the significance of a few important factors:

1. The experience of the neuro-surgeon is imperative.  After listening to a neuro-surgeon who has performed hundreds of these procedures and then listening to a neuro-surgeon who has performed less than 100, I can tell you the one I want cutting into MY brain.
2. The experience of the neuro-surgeons’ operating team is critically important.  Personally, I don’t want my neuro-surgeon spending his time and energy coaching his OR staff while my brain is wide open.  I want the expertise of the OR staff to have the procedures down in a systematic and habitual order.
3. Lastly, I do NOT want to have to be hospitalized twice to get this accomplished.  There’s no reason the battery pack cannot be implanted at the same time the rest of the DBS is done.  Now, that doesn’t mean the battery pack has to be turned on.  But I do not want to increase my risk for infection.  And besides that, just because a facility can make MORE money by bringing the patient back for a second surgery, that is not the optimal way to treat a patient.

I know there are many of you out there considering this type of procedure.  You, too, have done your research, and I welcome your comments, thoughts and approaches to managing your Parkinson’s Disease.

Do you worry about your kids?  Even when they are grown?  Even when they are adults?  Even when they have jobs and don’t live at home anymore?

When do I quit worrying?  Never.  From the moment she took her first breath, I worried….not that I would do something terribly wrong, but that I wouldn’t know enough to be a good mother.  All through the time she was a baby, I got up at night to listen to her breathe. To make sure all was well.  When she wore that harness for tight hips and cried all night, I slept on the floor next to her crib patting her back comforting her.  And, I worried.

When she was a toddler and her feet hit the floor upstairs at night, I jumped up and raced to the open-faced stairwell to make sure she didn’t fall while sleepwalking. 

When she had to play with all of those boys because there weren’t any girls around, I worried about her self-concept then.

When she drove to high school on Hwy 183 everyday in the awful traffic because there wasn’t a school near the house, I worried.  When she swam on the swim team, I held my breath as she deftly maneuvered her way through the ice water winning her events….and I worried.

When I took her to college, and left her in the dorm as she anxiously awaited the start of her term, I worried.

Now, she’s moved away.  She’s all grown up.  She’s on her own and she’s still on my mind.  I’m not worried that she’s not capable of handling all of the trials and crap life can hand over.  I am confident that she can maneuver through a room full of sharks and emerge with a smile on her face.  Her intelligence and cunning would put anyone to shame as she faces life. Her work skills and emotional intelligence are superior to other women her age.  Did I forget to mention how beautiful and creative she is?

So, really, I’m not worried so much for her now.   I miss her and hope she knows how much I love her.        Momma

Why does music move my heart to feel emotions with such intensity?  Tonight as I sit here relaxing and listening to some of my favorite songs I am awash with emotions and memories.

Bobby Darin singing “Moon River” reminds me of my Mom. She really preferred the Andy Williams’ version, but she enjoyed that song and it brings back memories of Mom humming along with the stereo while preparing supper in the kitchen.

The Beatles singing “Let It Be” bring back memories of high school and one of the boys I dated.  The music of the 70’s signifies the rebellion of youth.  That reminds me of the struggles of adolescence and the misery of high school.  I wouldn’t go back and re-live that time.  Some of you would gladly go back, not me.  I like where I’m standing now.

Celine Dion’s “Taking Chances” makes me ask myself, “What do you say to taking chances?”  For me, waking up each day is taking a chance.  After all of the cancer and Parkinson’s I think that I am stepping out there each day, taking chances that I wonder if I can meet?

The instrumental version of “When I Fall in Love” by Chris Botti makes me stop and think of the times I was in love, the times my heart has been broken, and now finally, how I know that I have fallen in love for what I predict to be the final time in my life.  The mellow notes of the trumpet strike a chord with my heart tonight.

“Up On the Roof” by James Taylor evokes waves of relief that flow over me.  This song brings me back to the deck that was on the top of the house we lived in at Bailey’s Prairie.  The humidity, mosquitoes and trees with moss hanging down seem so real when I hear this song.  “At night, the stars, they put on a show for free.  And Darling, you can share it all with me.”  In my mind, being back on that deck represents a freedom in my mind and heart that I rarely find now.

He also sings a gentle ballad, “You Can Close Your Eyes”.  “Well, the sun is slowly sinking down, but the moon is slowly rising.  So, this old world must still be spinning round, and I still love you.”  Those lyrics remind me of the many; many times I rocked my son and my daughter to sleep singing to them.  I remember their sweet scent when they were so little.  Josh’s head always broke into a sweat when he finally drifted off.  That’s how I knew he was asleep.  Meagan’s body relaxed and went totally limp giving me her signal that I could put her in the crib. Those were sweet times and I’m thankful for them, just as I am now thankful that my children are grown adults.

J. T’s “The Frozen Man” gives me a little slice of humor.  He sings of the sailor frozen in the ice and then thawed out.  Perhaps that’s like having Parkinson’s Disease.  Some days I’m frozen and cannot move, and others I seem to move alright.  Looking at my past from the perspective I have now reminds me to give it all away and minimize my lifestyle.  There’s always the promise of reconciliation with my Lord that I am also reminded of when I hear this song.

“The Water is Wide” by J.T. reminds me that I am not in this alone.  “Love is handsome and love is fine.  The sweetest flower when first it’s new.  But love grows old and waxes cold, and fades away like summer dew.”  “Build me a boat that can carry two, and both shall row, my love and I.”

This is just a list of a few of my favorites.  These are slower, melodic ballads and they are just right to hear before going to bed. Good night.

Suzy has a warm and loving heart.  She snow-shoed through deep snow all winter to bring hay to a starving horse she named “Thankful”.  Springtime has taken all the snow away, and so, Thankful was ready to be rescued. 

Unfortunately, the owner of Thankful emerged, an ingrate who left the horse to starve all winter, and now has taken him away.

May the God of love, generosity, compassion and mercy shine down on Suzy and Thankful.  And may the Universe bring the BIG POOP owner all the crummy karma he has doled out to others and to animals! 

To read the story, go to:  http://besidethestream.com/the-not-nice-ending-to-thankfuls-story/2008/04/11/

I’m celebrating springtime in Texas.  Why?  Oh, for many, many reasons!

 ü     Tests came back from the thyroid cancer full body scan….no metastasis!  YIPPEE SKIPPY!! 

(So it looks like the entire 7 days of radioactive illness was worth it!)

ü      The Lady Banks Roses are blooming in the back next to the deck.

ü     The wildflowers are blooming like crazy in the front yard!

ü     And the pink roses are opening their sweet little faces to the sun.

ü     My favorite son is starting a new job!

ü     I’m going to see the Round Rock Express play ball tomorrow night!    And I’m going to the Austin Arts Festival on Sunday!

ü     But most of all…..I’M CANCER FREE!!!!!  THANK YOU LORD